Family

They are there from the moment you are born, if you're lucky. They cuddle you up, feed you and attempt to teach you the world. When things go wrong, they're there to listen to you cry. When it's time to celebrate, they're the first to rsvp that they'll be there. At times, a few friends may enter the circle; and perhaps a few blood relatives leave it.

They are your foundation, your reference, your launch pad and landing point all in one. They can urge you forward or hold you back. You might want to be a part of one, or you might be ashamed of the one you have. They usually know your secrets and the real you.


For years, I've felt immensely blessed to have and know the family that I do. In college I was brought to tears when I left my family for the first permanant time in my life. Who was I without them in my everyday life? It was during this time that I also became aware of how lucky I was to have them in my life, as not everyone is able to have significant relationships with their parents and grandparents.

I remember when my grandpa died. It was the first time in my blessed life that I had experienced the loss of someone close to me. My other grandparents came over to express condolences, and when I saw them together I cried for the loss of a part of their collective whole in my life. The sight of them together made me realize what I'd taken for granted for 26 years.

Bound together by relationships, functional and dysfunctional; we gain a sense of identity from our families. Yet, it's hard to extract the DNA part from the word family. After I had lung surgery in January, I was showing my Dad my scars, and he said "Your poor body. That body is a part of my own." And I remember thinking the same thing. When I'm with my family, we compare body parts like a game of "Match" trying to figure where we got what and from whom. I think it's a natural thing to do, to find history and similarity from your family. But, what if you don't fit their picture? What if you're an outsider in form or function? By looks, breeding, or by omission of ability to reproduce? How do you relate then? The family relationships must be considerably deeper than physicality or shared interests and commonality to sustain a relationship under those conditions. Or as I was taught as a child "it's the inside that counts."

As I sit and think about the kind of family that I want. It upsets me at times that people value that DNA link so much. Who cares where I got my feet and why my bowels act the way they do? Who cares that I have a penchant for ketchup and green olives? I certainly like many more than this. And does the world revolve around pregnancies and birth stories? I feel that there are deeper and more substantial ways to relate to my family.

I cry when I read about parents who find children to love in orphanages around the world. The children that make the family, a family. When I read about a family that is formed through adoption, my heart cheers. Not only because parents are made and children are loved, but because I think and I know that family is something to desire. So Amen! to those who love beyond blood ties and embrace differences within a family to expand love and provide a supportive environment for each other.

I have been blessed to be loved and to find similarities in myself within my immediate and extended families. But, my eyes have been opened to family that may not look like eachother, may not share DNA, but still has deep love and commitment to eachother.
This is what I wish for. Of my body or of my heart; either will make us a family.