Feelings of Thankfulness

I’m sitting at my parents house. I’m here alone. I turned the heat up, I made a pot of coffee. Here alone, for hours. Wow. A writers retreat! Missy Higgins is playing on the juke-box, and I’m loving this alone time. The sky is clear blue. The lake is frozen. I think I need a nap, but the coffee tastes so good.
Thanksgiving was yesterday. So what am I thankful for? I also turn 31 in 2 days…..yikes! Double the opportunity to think about life and it’s purpose and gifts.
After my lung surgery last January, I wrote a poem about being thankful, and I felt so much gratitude, humility and love and thankfulness for so many things at that time. Yesterday, we celebrated Thanksgiving with a great group of people called family. I think I forget how much family can surround you with love and kindness and care. Since the beginning of this blog, back in 2007, I’ve found that being open about life creates intimacy. And isn’t that what we want with our families and friends? It’s such a more satisfying relationship when you can lean on each other and offer support. Those things cannot happen if we continue to pretend that life isn’t hard sometimes. Life is real, and imperfect and raw. But it is also lovely and beautiful. Through the heartaches and pain, love remains.

Back to Thanksgiving. I was struck yesterday, by the genuine kindness and care that our extended family sends our way. Really, we are so blessed to be a part of the families that we are. I hope that they all experience the love and support that we’ve experienced.

So 31.
31.
Not 30, but 31! I was freaking out and a little depressed last week thinking that I will be 31. I’m not sure why. Age has never really been a factor for me. 31 just seems like I’m actually in my 30’s now. Timing is determined by the Creator, not me, a little -tiny- feeble- minded human. I think perhaps what is bothering me is the speed of time. This past year has flown by. I’m more thankful than ever that we didn’t pursue IVF before we were ready. Emotionally I feel the best I have since everything got bogged down and heavy duty. I think I underestimated how the cycles before IVF added into the disappointment of the failed IVF itself. So, I’m here to say its all ok. It does still bother me at times, but the disappointment has ebbed, my mind and heart are feeling better. So thankful for that!
Where do we go, but forward? How do we deal, but with reality? What can we do, but our best? We are loved, and blessed and very fortunate. Thankful, thankful, thankful.