You know you are special, or something.....when you receive a package in the mail from a clinic that has a CD/ROM handbook and a DVD to watch as part of their clinical education. We received a large package in the mail today with introductory information about how we need to proceed with our pursuit to reproduce. There is a long list of blood tests that we need to complete within, oh, 6 days. Need I mention that we already completed all of this blood work in the fall of 2005? I guess that isn't current enough. It has to be within the last year! Hopefully my needle-phobic husband won't pass out. Things like sonohystogram, HIV, Hep C, semen analysis, E2 on day 3 testing.....yeah, I'll bet all you fertile folks out there are really jealous!! I started reading through the 152 page IVF handbook and became very overwhelmed. I really just don't want to do this. I don't want blood draws and ultrasounds every 1-2 days. I don't want my eggs to be outside of my body in a little lonely petri dish. I don't want to have to take multiple injections to my stomach and thighs to make my ovaries swell with eggs. I don't want to make decisions regarding how many embryos to make, freeze, and transfer.
I guess I just feel scared. Scared of the unknowns. I'm the girl that likes security. To plan, work hard, and achieve a goal. This isn't just talk anymore. This is real. We watched the video. I would like to fast forward through this valley of my life to see what lies beyond. To move to a place of known. Is there such a place? Did it ever really exist before? Not sure. I guess all I can do is focus on the things I do know. I've done similar difficult things before. I've had all these injections before. We can do this. I can do this. It's just a little more complicated and expensive than before, and there is a little more at stake. But, it is doable. I'm not going to die (that I know of.) I just need to press on. God loves me and has good plans for me. I will rest in that. Just need to get thru this storm, to move on to the next one.
4 comments:
I want you to know that I pray for you, Jeff, and your future family every night. I can't imagine how you feel, but you have a great attitude of trust. Better than I would have! Just know that we're praying!
Hey Jamie! Thanks so much for your prayers. It really means alot that people even care about us, and prayers are a ton better!!
Thank you Thank you!
Love, Jenny
Jenny and Jeff . We are praying for both of you for all of this to turn out the way we all want it to. How ever it does it is Gods plan . Keep up your spirits and know that we love you and pray for you. Love Mom and Dad Gackstetter
I always told myself during my experience with in vitro that God gave us this because we are strong and I have to say, as I look at my belly . . . on my due date today with my little embryo/fetus inside that decided to hang on after In Vitro that God gave me a gift. This child has been prayed for and loved, supported and wanted for so many years and my marriage is stronger for it too. Life is a series of choices and each day you make the decision to trust God when you don't want to, to go into the clinic and trust your doctor's guidance and to know that when your embryo decides to hang on, that child will be such a gift. We continue that the child you have been growing in your heart will soon grow inside of your belly.
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